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The Answer to All Our Problems Why are most Americans so dissatisfied with their lot in life? After all, even the poorest among us seem fabulously wealthy to three-quarters of the world. A welfare mother pulling in $500 a month is a tycoon compared to the dollar-an-hour prostitute in Thailand. Heck, even a homeless panhandler who nets $5 a day is doing better, on average, than the typical Burundian. Yet the lucky hundred million who are gainfully employed in the U.S. — who are, in fact, living better than the kings and queens of centuries past — only seem to become more depressed with each passing day. Nothing seems to help: upgrading from 50 cable channels to 200 on satellite only cements the gloom. Trading up to a 2,500 square-foot home in the suburbs with a two-car garage and a Char-Broil on the back deck next to the hot tub and the manicured lawn is but a temporary respite from unending hours of angst — dull days in cubicle farms followed by dull nights watching reality TV. America, home to a million millionaires, might just be the saddest place on earth. Fortunately for us, that’s all about to change — because now we have PlayStation 2! While it may be a few months before everyone can buy one, the truly distressed among us can put an end to their woes by shelling out six hundred bucks and purchasing a PlayStation 2 in an online auction. Not only will PlayStation 2 make you forget your overbearing boss, it will also play DVD movies! Those who are clinically troubled will probably want to add accessories to their PlayStations. How better to confront the pointlessness of it all than with a new DualShock Analog controller that lets you "feel the action." If that doesn’t give new meaning to your life, then you probably also need to add a Memory Stick so you can "save your level" when you head for the bathroom. Unfortunately, some people crave human companionship — their needs can’t be satisfied by interacting with a machine alone. It is a sad song of which we’ve heard many refrains in the past. Folks who have sunk to that level of murky dissatisfaction will need to add a Multitap to their PlayStation 2 so that up to four players can enjoy "real-time, intense game play." Others may suggest that technology isn’t the answer to all our problems, that people need to feel more in touch with the world around them, to be enlightened by nature, and literature, and music, and the arts. They are probably unaware that PlayStation 2 also has an available S-Video cable for more realism. Or that it will also play PlayStation games, which include titles for the "nature nut" such as "Action Bass" and "Reel Fishing" I and II. Aren’t we lucky to have PlayStation 2? I sure am glad I took that part-time job as a shopping-mall Santa last year. Otherwise, my mental state might have remained clouded for decades!
By David Munger Copyright 2001 |